Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

When is the right time??


Dear Trevor,
I tell everyone I’m a lesbian. I know I like women, but I don’t think of myself as a woman. I believe I was born to be a guy. I have never told anyone. I am scared of what people would say. Should I tell people? When would be the right time?




Thank you for demonstrating great courage by reaching out to me. Certainly the inner conflict and fear you described concerning your sexual identity and sexual orientation have not been easy to manage by yourself. I am proud of your ability to overcome the obstacles you have faced and continue to encounter despite feeling broken. I am confident you are capable of resolving the concerns you have discussed in your letter.

Questioning sexual orientation and/or gender identity is very natural and being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender is normal. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic, as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with—girls, boys, or both.

With regard to gender identity, your private sense and personal understanding of your gender, you may find the following resources helpful:

“I Think I Might Be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?” http://www.transyouth.com/I%20think%20I%20may%20transgender.pdf

“Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf

There’s no rush to figure this out. I encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust, whether it is a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor.

Remember we are always here for you.  The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace are also available to you for further support. TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.


Trevor Staff