Ask Trevor

We have transitioned Ask Trevor into a broader, more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies.

Please check out our new FAQ page here:

When is the right time??


Dear Trevor,
I tell everyone I’m a lesbian. I know I like women, but I don’t think of myself as a woman. I believe I was born to be a guy. I have never told anyone. I am scared of what people would say. Should I tell people? When would be the right time?




Thank you for demonstrating great courage by reaching out to me. Certainly the inner conflict and fear you described concerning your sexual identity and sexual orientation have not been easy to manage by yourself. I am proud of your ability to overcome the obstacles you have faced and continue to encounter despite feeling broken. I am confident you are capable of resolving the concerns you have discussed in your letter.

Questioning sexual orientation and/or gender identity is very natural and being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender is normal. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic, as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with—girls, boys, or both.

With regard to gender identity, your private sense and personal understanding of your gender, you may find the following resources helpful:

“I Think I Might Be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?”

“Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth”

There’s no rush to figure this out. I encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust, whether it is a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor.

Remember we are always here for you.  The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace are also available to you for further support. TrevorSpace at is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.


Trevor Staff