Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

When is the right time??


Dear Trevor,
I tell everyone I’m a lesbian. I know I like women, but I don’t think of myself as a woman. I believe I was born to be a guy. I have never told anyone. I am scared of what people would say. Should I tell people? When would be the right time?




Thank you for demonstrating great courage by reaching out to me. Certainly the inner conflict and fear you described concerning your sexual identity and sexual orientation have not been easy to manage by yourself. I am proud of your ability to overcome the obstacles you have faced and continue to encounter despite feeling broken. I am confident you are capable of resolving the concerns you have discussed in your letter.

Questioning sexual orientation and/or gender identity is very natural and being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender is normal. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic, as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with—girls, boys, or both.

With regard to gender identity, your private sense and personal understanding of your gender, you may find the following resources helpful:

“I Think I Might Be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?” http://www.transyouth.com/I%20think%20I%20may%20transgender.pdf

“Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf

There’s no rush to figure this out. I encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust, whether it is a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor.

Remember we are always here for you.  The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace are also available to you for further support. TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.


Trevor Staff