Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

Why does it happen like this?

Question:

Dear Anyone that’s there…
Hey(: I’m a 13 year old girl and yes I am a lesbian. I’ve never been attracted to guys. Always girls… So anyways. I have this crush. This one crush that is killing me inside. I’m still in love with my ex girlfriend. But she moved on…What do I do? I can’t ever stop thinking about her and I cry every time someone mentions her name…I can’t love anyone or anything anymore. I just can’t I’ve turned down so many girls because I cant live with my self for leaving her. I put a gun to my head the other night and kept saying her name. I have sever depression and she was the only one that I actually knew how to make me happy. Now she’s gone. My life hasn’t been the same with out her. I haven’t talked to anyone in 6 months at all. Not one word at all. Iv’e tried to O.D. and I cut. My life is so messed up with this and I just need her. I need her so much. Ill never forget her. But now we don’t talk. My heart literary hurts because i love her so much and i’ll never her again. I just want it all to be back to the way it was before when I was extremely happy. Because I was with her.

Answer:

Hello,

Thank you so very much for writing in. This takes a lot of bravery. It is very important that if at any time you feel like hurting yourself or taking your own life that you call someone right away, dial 911 or talk to an adult you trust, whether it is your mom or dad or a school counselor. Please talk to someone. If there is no one that you feel you can talk to, please call us at the Trevor Lifeline 1-866-4-U-TREVOR. Do not wait to talk to someone.

Heartbreak is a very tough thing to deal with, but sometimes it helps to think about what made you happy in the past. What were your favorite hobbies? What were the things that you enjoyed doing? Maybe catching a movie or playing sports will help you take your mind off of what is making you feel depressed? Your life is a beautiful thing that is nothing to waste. When you feel depressed, it is easy to focus on the negative things all around you as they seem most obvious, but if you dig a little into who you really are, you will find what you enjoy doing and what makes you truly happy, besides your ex-girlfriend. You may not feel like you can or even want to talk to someone right now, but a listening ear and open heart will indeed help you to feel better. If there is a teacher or counselor that you trust at school,maybe you can talk to them?

It sounds like there are many girls that are interested in you. This must mean that you are a great person that people want to be with or around. Blessings come in many forms and maybe one of these girls will help you to heal and move on. Although you may not want to move on or it may feel like you are losing a part of yourself or betraying your love for your ex-girlfriend, that is not the case. There will always be a place for her in your life, but there are many other things that can add value to your life. Really look into what you enjoy doing and maybe you have some common interests with one of these girls. You may not know unless you open yourself up and give it a try.

Even though the cutting may help you to feel better and in control, this is very dangerous. You may be using this as a distraction for your feelings or to feel alive, but doing this even once can turn into a long road of dangerous medical complications and scarring and put you at risk for serious infections. Anytime you feel like cutting yourself try doing something physical instead like going for a run. Or maybe start a journal to write down your feelings and thoughts.

It is normal to feel the way that you are feeling after heartbreak, but if you ever think that you are going to act upon any self hurting thoughts please talk to somebody. There are people that want you around and to be happy and feel loved, including all of us. Dial 911 or call the Trevor Lifeline 1-866-4-U-TREVOR if there are no adults around that you trust to talk to.

Trevor